Five on the First

September 2025
Kiernan Pazdar

“I start from tricky feelings, like, wanting to be pretty but thinking that's shallow, wanting to stand out but wanting to fit in, the impulse to buy things to quickly fix insecurities, becoming obsessed with wedding planning while feminist theory plays via audiobook in the background, looking to the past for a way forward and finding history is repeating itself, a love and hatred for one's interests that may co-exist simultaneously, a desire to access the interior lives of others, the fear of climate change submerged when offered fast shipping to my rural home.

These paintings are part of a series of abstract oil paintings on dyed grounds I've been building from floral patterns collected from museum archives, fashion shows, eBay, online shopping, and interiors over the last ten years. First, I dye the canvas, then stretch it over hardboard panels and prepare the surfaces for oil paint. Once the grounds are ready, I slowly build up patterns and textures into layered surfaces to create immersive, colorful paintings that often feel somewhat haunted and heavy.

Mirrors, reflections, florals, laundry piles, shadows, and lace frequently appear alongside abstract expressionist style mark making to create illusionistic spaces that suck viewers in and repel them at the same time. I take hints from Pinterest when building my compositions, which feeds me a constant stream of aspirational images without regard for scale, time, or meaning. While I frequently reference archival material and historical decorative motifs, I mix individual colors in each shadow to create a floating effect, like a pile of digital artifacts backlit from a phone or computer to place them in the present. I think of them as little pieces of history, debris, and residue of past attitudes and ways of being feminine piling up to make something entirely new.

I have an anxious mind and am always searching for meaning in the world around me. The work becomes an exorcism of my inner dialogues and a physical manifestation of associative thinking. Painting allows me to take whatever is occupying my thoughts or just in my view, meditate on it, and respond without always knowing why I'm doing something or what I feel about it. I often lose myself in the act of painting, trusting that my body holds knowledge and this process will act as its record. I like seeing the things I've encountered imbued with the emotion of digesting them, ready for someone else to experience and have a feeling about.”

CV